The Professor Who Could Prove Anything

There was once a math professor who could prove anything, if it was indeed true. For as we all know, trying to prove something which is really false is quite ludicrous, as well as being impossible. This man was a great mathematician, and also quite a comedian in the brief intervals between his proofs. He was known to his students as Dr. Proof. His true last name was actually a mystery, and he had never told anyone what it was, for fear that they might prove him to be wrong by providing a counterexample.

Several students on his campus noticed one day that Dr. Proof did not own a vehicle. They became quite curious to know how he arrived on campus each morning, and left each night for his home. They all knew he owned a house, because he had once proved it.

"I know how he does it! He walks to campus. This explains why he is so healthy," guessed Joe.

"That can't be it. It's too simple an explanation," reasoned Mark.

"But remember Occam's razor!" suggested Louis. "Perhaps Joe is correct."

"We would have seen him walking back home, though," insisted Steven. "I've never even seen him leave the mathematics building."

"This must be true," said Mark, "that he never leaves. Remember that day he proved that Steven never lies?"

"Right, I remember it." said Joe. "That was one of the best proofs ever. I can't remember how he went about proving it, but I thoroughly enjoyed it."

Kirk, who had been quietly listening to the conversation and reasoning on his own, suddenly piped up. "I have it! I know how he does it."

"What? How?" inquired the rest of the boys.

"Just think about it. How does Dr. Proof do anything? He proves it! When he's at home, he simply walks up to his blackboard and writes a proof that he's here on campus, and bang! he's here. When he wants to leave, he waits until no one is around to watch, and writes a proof that he is at home, and there he is."

The other boys were greatly impressed with Kirk and his explanation. They realized that this was the only valid way the professor could have been getting around, and never bothered to verify the claim by spying on Dr. Proof. They respected him too much to be caught spying on him.

Dr. Proof was once even able to prove that he could prove anything, and thereafter, rather than proving anything new, he simply stated that by this earlier proof that he can prove anything, that actually proving it was unnecessary.

When Dr. Proof was getting on in years, he decided he no longer had any use for his life, and wrote a proof that he had never been born. This prevented the students from mourning his absence the next day, since they had, in fact, never met him. It was easier all around, he thought. There was a strange sadness that surrounded the campus, but no one could determine the source of it. It was as if someone never existed that really should have.